Drama Queen, Thy Name is Thom?

 

It was the bump heard round the tennis world!

  And it is one of my favorite tennis drama memories.

It was the the semifinals of the 1997 US Open, and a new-to-the-scene Venus Williams was playing her first US Open against a fiery Irina Spirlea.  Spirlea, at the time, was the only WTA tour player to ever be defaulted from a match due to her abhorrent behavior.  Both women were in their first semis of a major and both were determined to win.

And then it happened-the bump heard round the tennis world.

Late in the match, both Venus and Irina were heading to their chairs on a change over.  Both walked towards their chairs with steely determination, head down, trying to muster up whatever focus they needed to close out the match.  I remember watching this live.  They kept getting closer each seemingly not paying attention to the other.  They both were at the end of the net on their side heading towards the chair umpire.  I just kept thinking, watch out!  You're going to run into her!!!  And then, they did-they ran into each other.  Venus barely seemed to notice.  But Irina, oh yeah, she noticed.  Lucky for Venus Irina left her guns at home that day otherwise I shutter to think what would have happened.  Later in a press conference, after Irina lost, she told the press "She thinks she's the Venus f*cking Williams!"  I thought to myself, Irina bumped Venus on purpose and I loved it!  Loved it then, and I still laugh thinking about it to this day.  Irina was a bit of a drama queen that day, and that was fine by me.

I hate to admit it, but I've released my inner Spirlea at a few GLTA tournaments.  Of course, I've never bumped anyone or come to blows.  I'm too scared for all that now, don't be silly.  I can't damage my face.  But my mouth has gotten the better of me on more than one occasion.  And this all just works out fine with my doubles partner Grant.  He's a bit more quiet and non-confrontational, and he doesn't mind winding me up like a top and letting me loose on one of our opponents.  And I oblige, like it's my job, like I'm getting a big fat paycheck for it.

I think most of the time I'm a nice easy going guy.  I like to have fun on court and I like to make my fans (or those who had nowhere else to sit so they sat besides my court, the more likely situation) have a good time too.  I want to win my matches, but it's not life or death.  I'm not getting paid out there.  I want the trophies and gay pride that come with winning one of these tournaments as much as the next guy.  Sometimes though, that desire to win and someone being stupid (certainly it's never me) makes me go all Spirlea on someone.

I've only had two matches where a line judge had to come out and monitor the court.  The first time was in Tampa when this guy from the north Georgia mountains was cheating and making really bad line calls on purpose.  This was the first time I noticed that we had distinct roles on our double team.  Grant winds me up, and I lose my mind.  I went and got the line judge, who was some poor volunteer who looked like he was about to pee his pants any moment.  Among other things, I told our cheating opponent "no wonder you don't play many of these tournaments-you're an a**hole and they probably don't let you down from the mountain much to join society."  I didn't mean it, but hey he was cheating and deserved it.  Another time, it was late in the third and this guy who I had played before was stalling, purposely trying to distract me, and was just being an utter pain in the fanny.  He was making some disastrously bad line calls.  I mean, when there's audible gasps from the crowd over his calls, well lets just say it was like a bunch of Grants winding me up.  After one particularly egregious line call I just yelled in frustration "You're a cheater, everyone knows it and that's why no one can stand you!  Your own friends can't even stand you!!!"  Oops-guess I didn't mean to say all that, but again, he had it coming.  He was cheating and he deserved it.  I think I had an incident last year in Louisville, but I'll spare you the details.  You get the drift.  Apparently I can be a little dramatic on court.

I promise to try to work on it.  Most of the time you'll see me laughing and having a great time on court.  But occasionally, just occasionally, you may also hear me say: 

"Hello my name is Thom, and I am a bit of a drama queen."